Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Sometimes I Live Out A Legal Drama

*Updated to fix the misplaced hyphen in the title (it was driving me crazy!)

I've had some notable deposition experiences in my life. My very first deposition is by far my favorite story. It involves a 6-foot stuffed bear. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Plus I have pictures. Although I can't imagine anything topping that, today's deposition was pretty memorable.

Today's deponent was a 70+ year old man. He's your typical ornery, fiesty older gentlemen. But his answers were hilarious. They absolutely did not make sense. For example, if someone would have asked him what color the sky was, he would have answered "square." The other attorneys around the table were looking exasperated, flustered, and impatient. I, on the other hand, was trying very hard to keep a gigantic smile from forming across the surface of my face.

The deposition started out friendly as the elder gentleman flirted with the four of us in the room (all women). By the end of it, he was very offended by all of the questioning and took each question personally. Whenever an attorney raised an objection, he immediately stopped his narrative as emitted rays of icy death from his eyes both of which were partially hidden by his down-turned, silver eyebrows. Each time he gave The Look, I nearly choked on my tongue. At one point, he let out a string of french explitives which he refused to translate into English much to the anger of another attorney and the court reporter. When he wasn't being ornery, he was thickly laying on the charm and sending overtly flirty compliments in my direction.

I was fascinated that I was the only one who found his behavior to be completely hilarious. During the entire deposition I kept thinking, "this could be a scene from The Good Wife."

I love days like today. They remind me why I love practicing law: people. Litigation brings out the most interesting aspects of a person's character. With some people, litigation can be one long, drawn-out cat fight. Or a series of bitch slaps. People can be so childish sometimes, but most especially when they are in an extremely contention situation and thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars are on the line. I absolutely love it. I love it in the same way I love reading obnoxious posts on Facebook or watching people act like the characters in Mean Girls. The flattery of 70+ year old men doesn't hurt either.

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