Same Chores. Different Day.

As the kids pried us out of bed at 7 a.m., a part of me was thankful for our early risers. Yes, they force us out of our cozy beds much earlier than we would like. However, as a result, we get to enjoy so much more of the day. Our weekends grow by three hours per day when we have to wake up at 7 a.m. instead of 10 a.m. That's something right?

The kids and I lounged around and enjoyed a slow morning together while my husband began working outside in our yard. Many months ago we began the arduous task of leveling our bumpy and lumpy yard, which began with the help of a large bulldozer. My husband has been putting the finishing touches here and there whenever an opportunity arises. Now all we need is to hydro-seed the lawn and throw a party when the grass grows in! I'm so excited to have a level yard that is  functional without inducing symptoms of vertigo!

Playing a little ball

(thank goodness our tiny 7x7 foot front yard is still intact!)

Eating some rocks.

Being handsome

(love that goofy gap between his two front teeth).

Laughing at daddy.

 

Taking a nap

 

 

Or at least pretending to.

We finally snuck out of the house to run errands and I let the kids play in the indoor play park in the mall. It's fun to see how much more Ryan can enjoy the park every time we go. This trip he enjoyed chasing his big brother who was very protective and repeatedly announced to everyone, "That's my baby brother!" We discovered that Ryan can now climb up and go down the slide all by himself. He would climb up carefully and then sit on top of the slide where he would poise proudly and look around to make sure everyone was appreciating his newfound independence. Then he would rock his body back and forth until the force of his own weight pulled him down the slide. He'd grin from ear to ear as he slid right into my outstretched arms. After a good 20 minutes of this, I decided that a Little Tikes plastic slide will be the first addition to our new yard (Craigslist, here I come!).

After a handful of chores, the last thing on my to-do list was grocery shopping. The kids shared an Orange Julius smoothie while I power-walked down aisles throwing things into the court. Everything went smoothly until the end of the trip. Eventually, I pulled the sopping cart up to the pharmacy to refill Jacob's prescription for fluoride. As I gave the pharmacist our information I heard a shrill scream. "OUCH! HELP! OWWWWW!"

I turned my head and saw Jacob sitting at the blood pressure monitoring machine. His left arm stuck was into the arm cuff, his left hand was flailing desperately from the other end. "HELP! I'M STUCK! IT'S SQUISHING ME!" People walked by alarmed. Some just snickered. More than a little embarrassed, I pushed the "Stop" button on the macine and set him free just in time to look back at the cart and see Ryan throwing boxes of condoms off the pharmacy shelf.

Jacob and I rushed to the cart. As I began picking up the boxes, more condoms fell from the sky, landing on my head. Clearly, it was time to leave.

When we got home, I put the baby down for a nap and left Jacob to play with his trains as I began dinner. I attempted to recreate my favorite meal from a restaurant near my work (The Red Papaya in lower Queen Anne). My boss treats us to lunch often for what has affectionately been coined, by him, "micro-bonuses."My favorite dish at this restaurant is Vietnamese steak served atop julienned green papayas. With my julienne chopper, the meal was a cinch to make. And nearly as good as the original! (As close as I'll ever get anyway). It was fantastic. Even Ryan loved the steak!

Not the best picture.

Have you noticed that beef always looks like poop in amateur photography.

After dinner, I let Ryan play in his highchair while I did dishes. He sat in the highchair like it was a throne and proudly threw pear cubes and steak pieces across the floor like a generous king scattering bread loves among beggars. Then he lifted his filthy hands at me as if to say, "wipe me, my minion." I took a step toward him with a baby wipe. PLUNK. A wet pear chunk landed on my chest and slowly slid down my shirt. Ew.

He raised his hands at me once again. I wiped him clean and set him free. As I bent down and picked up the squishy, cat hair-covered leftovers, I had no idea that he was in the next room scattering books and playing cards across the floor. This exciting discovery prompted me to recite my new motto, "same chores, different day." I honestly feel like I clean the same messes, wash the same clothes, and do the same dishes every freaking day. It's like my life is stuck on repeat. The only thing that changes is the date on the calendar.

But as long as I get to relive this smile everyday, I'm totally happy being stuck in a repeating time wormhole.



Ryan's Post

Hey. I want that straw.

 

THAT ONE. I want it. Can't you people understand me?

 

 

Ignore Jacob. No I won't smile. Just bring me that straw.

 

Fine. I'll get it myself.

Holy Diapers! Finally!

What do you mean be careful I might poke....

 

OUCH! Grandma! Why did you let me have this instrument of terror? I'm just a baby!

 Do me a solid and escort me around the room. (Speaking of solid, I just pooped. But I'll let you continue to think it's just gas for now).

 

 

I said "walk" not "hokey-pokey." FOCUS WOMAN!

 

Don't do it. Don't even think of letting go.

 

SHE DID IT.

 

 

 I'll teach her a lesson by throwing a tantrum on the floor.

 

What?! You can't cut to a picture of my brother right when I'm at the height of my acting skills. Does no one care that I'm having a tantrum? I'm kicking. I'm kicking LOUDER. 

Ok, that's enough. This post is about ME.

 

 

Please tell me he isn't doing that.

 

 

Or that.

 

 

Ugh. I can't look. The only word I want to hear right now is "adopted."

 

 

Only one way to stop the humiliation: distraction.

 

Look! Look people. Over here! I'm doing that thing you guys are always trying to make me do.

 

 

What? Now that you mention it, yeah.

 

 

My strut IS a little flamboyant.

 

 

Hold me now. Ok. One kiss is acceptable. But no double dipping. I don't know how to wipe slobber off my face.

 

 

Wait. Don't leave me alone. Haven't you read ANY parenting books?

Two words: separation anxiety.

But you probably skipped that chapter. Just like you skipped the chapter on not drinking while pregnant. Oh, that was a secret? Who's the parent in this relationship, anyway?

 

 

NOT what I had in mind. I can't decide if I like this attention. I'll get back to you.

 

 

By the way. I kind of pooped. But just a turtlehead. And maybe some poot. (poot: n. when you toot and a little poop comes out.) 

 

 

Wait. Why are we leaving? Is it something I said?

 

 

Screaming All Night Long

Last night, Ryan woke up at midnight right as I was about to fall asleep. He didn't just wake up crying. He was screaming. And he proceeded to scream until he finally passed out on my bed, his cheek pressed against mine, his tense body perched up against me and his hand clutching desperately to my phone, which had distracted him for the last five minutes before he finally concked out.

Those 2.5 hours were HORRIBLE. He screamed and screamed and writhed around uncomfortably. He refused to eat. He didn't have a fever. He didn't puke. Nothing calmed him down. Not a bath (which made him scream harder). Not a bottle. Not being rocked continuously around the house for an hour. When I picked him up, he bend his body and kicked his legs out at me until I thought he would fall out of my arms. When I put him down, he tossed his body violently around the bed/sofa/floor OR he sat up, placed his blanky over his head, and screamed bloody murder.

It was frustrating, tiring, and terrifying. I felt so angry at him and so sorry for him at the same time. Then at precisely 4:30, he woke up and did it again. The rest of  the morning is a blur.  A blur of screaming (on Ryan's part) and crying (both Ryan and myself) and falling in and out of slumber for five minutes at a time. His screaming was so violent, so long, so ear piercing, I only thought of the worst, most serious scenarios.

At first I thought it was teething. But he has never had a problem with teething. EVER. Not even when he got four top teeth in the same day. And his crying and fussiness continued well into the day. The only thing I could fathom was some kind of stomach upset. Jacob had just gotten over someting weird (a four day sickness with only two episodes of puking and mostly just feeling ill). My husband is also getting over the tail end of a similar ailment. Whatever weird flu this is, it is creeping me out.

For the rest of the day Ryan was whinny and couldn't figure out what he wanted. Bottle. No bottle. Food. No food. To be held. To be put down. To play. To rest. Today was a complete disaster and one of the worst parenting days that I remember in a long, LONG time.

And of course it just happened to be a day jam-packed with a birthday party and a wedding. Somehow, with only four hours of sleep, I managed to survive both. But holy geez, things sure were miserable!

Mommy Crack

I kiss his chubby cheeks and smell his soft skin.

I breath in his angel thin hair. I pinch his fatty baby thighs.

Wrap my arms tightly around his entire body. Choke back tears over his natural sweetness.

I can't enough of his babyness.

I want to inhale it.

 

I am absolutely addicted to him.

He is my crack.

My sweet, pinchable, chubby, soft crack.

My crack who is slowly learning to walk (stop! stop it!).

 

At least once a day I find myself thinking back to Ryan's early days. His newborn photos. That moment he met his big brother for the first time. An old baby phase of his that is long gone. I can't stop my tears from falling. I just see so much beauty and wonderment surrounding this little boy. As if the entire purpose of life is slowly being revealed to me, piece by small piece, in every one of his smiles.

It's A Beautiful Day In The Mommyhood

The working mom ups and downs are crazy sometimes. Last week was a rough one. I worked late on most days. Two of those days, I did not see my kids at all because when I got home at 8pm, they were already passed out in their beds. But, I did handle my first mediation, which was pretty cool, although very stressful.

But a week of craziness led me to today. On days like today, the crazy working-mom lifestyle feels completely worth it. I must note that days like today are only possible for me because I get to work "from home" two days a week rather than do my usual 4 hour+ commute. (To the reader who wondered why we don't just move to Seattle: the value of our [950 sq ft] house is so much lower than our mortage right now. If we wanted to move/sell, we would have to come up with 1/3 the amount of our mortgage to cover the difference. Not possible.)

But...Today was full and wonderful. It's one of those nights where I go to bed with a smile. Sure, not everything was great about today, but the good parts really outshined the bad parts. Sounds kind of like my entire life right now: extremely hard, but rescued by occassional moments of absolute, raw goodness.

My husband left today for a business trip. He will be gone the rest of the week and I get to do the single parent thing. But before he left, he accompanied us to Ryan's 1 year well-check. Ryan is ideal baby boy. He has always been 50th percentile in height and weight (with a 75th percentile head). While he's not walking or talking, he is right on track and advanced in other areas. He's tender and sweet. He has a very gently personality. He loves balls. Absolutely loves them. It makes daddy feel a little better about the fact that his other favorite toy is my blush brush.

After the check-up we took both boys to get hair cuts. It was Ryan's first haircut, We all said a happy farewell to Ryan's baby mullet. Jacob got another big boy buzz cut.

I put in a full day of work at my mom's house. At lunch time, I stopped for a short-but-meaningful cuddle time with the boys and to threaten Jacob with time-out for not listening to Grandma. Then I worked some more. I did some legal research in an unfamiliar area of law and then drafted an opposition to a motion for summary judgment.

After work, I walked into the kitchen just in time to watch Ryan feeding himself some yogurt. He is a very determined little boy. When it comes to food, he wants to do everything himself. This is totally fine with me because I can never keep the spoonfuls coming fast enough for his liking anyway.

 

Grandma took away his yogurt!

 

Then I took both boys to the gym where they played in childwatch while I cranked out 5 miles (8 minute pace! I'm getting my running legs back, slowly but surely). I have also been using a personal trainer to try to get my abs back into shape-- trying to fix the abdominal separation that Ryan gave me. My gym had a deal going on so I signed up to learn some ab exercises that I could later do on my own. I absolutely LOVE my trainer. We really connect and I love that I can count on my abs feeling so sore for the entire week that it is painful to laugh or cough. Bonus: I am now three pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight!

After I ran my heart out (feels so good to sweat!), I played with the kids a little. Ryan, no surprise, loved basketball. He's so eager to play with the big kids. We need to work a little bit on his dribble.




We had so much fun playing that I lost track of time and we didn't get home until 8:30 p.m.!

Working Mommyhood, I have conquered you! If only for one day.

A Love Note To My One Year Old

Ouch. My cheeks sting. My throat is closing, as if I swallowed a rock. And something deep inside is hurting. Tomorrow is my baby's first birthday. It should be a happy occassion. Although I am feeling many things right now, happy is not included in that list.

Can it really be a year ago that I tightly wrapped my precious newborn and carried him out into the world? I remember holding him with so much devotion, it was like he were a priceless unclaimed treasure that I had to keep clasping desperately in order to claim as my own. The day he was born, I accepted Ryan's babyhood as a beloved, sacred gift. A package straight from God, addressed to and personalized for me. A package that I had asked for and waited for patiently (and not so patiently) for too long.

Everyone talks about how special it is the first time you become a mom. It's true. There are so many special things that happen when your first child is born. It changes you, like a messy, exhausting, breathless, amazing rite of passage. But, this second time around, I am much more appreciative of every single moment. I am much more aware of the passing of each day. Every gummy smile that crossed Ryan's face alerted me to the fact that I had one less gummy smile in my future as my baby grew into a toddler.

This must be why Ryan's one-year milestone is so hard for me. I know now, more so than ever, how fleeting and precious the moments of babyhood really are. Knowledge is both a blessing and a back-stabber. While I know how much I have to look forward to as my baby grows, I also know exactly what I am losing the day Ryan turns one.

This sadness has a cure. I'm going to keep having babies. Forever. How does a person survive without a sweet toothless baby in the house? I think this is why Ryan is not yet walking or talking. He just knows that his mommy and daddy need him to be a baby a little while longer. I'm not complaining. Not one bit!

Happy Birthday Ryan. You have filled our home with so much love and admiraton. You have brought mommy and daddy so many pillow-talk conversations about how precious you are and just how lucky we are to be your parents. Not only have you given your big brother a playmate, but you have taught him how to love, how to protect, how to teach. In your quiet, gentle way, you taught Jacob what it is like to care for someone outside himself. You have taught mommy and daddy what it is like to love beyond all will and control. And you taught all of us that the fountain of love is limitless.

I was so afraid when you were born that there wouldn't be enough love to go around. That, like water in a large container, my love would only fill you and Jacob half way. But with your birth, I discovered that love is not like water at all. Love is like light. It has no boundaries and can expand to fit the container that it holds.

Like light, love has no definite boundaries. It is not guided by the same laws that bind the rest of us. It is stronger than pain, exhaustion, hunger, fear. And that is why, I feel fully confident in making you this promise:

There is nothing you or the unpredictable forces of life can do that will weaken my love. The overwhelming, brimming love that I feel for you today, as I wrap your tiny body in my arms and as your soft, chubby cheeks press against my chest, will always be here. No matter what you do. I know you will test this promise many times in your life. Go ahead. It is here for you to test and stretch and challenge. But, it will never change. Unless, of course, it grows stronger.